I am eavesdropping on my daughter’s conversation. She has a new friend. One cannot appreciate how priceless that is. I have a child with social anxiety who prefers isolation over socialization. The beauty of it is that this friend is in her class at school and recently found she lives down our street.
Things are changing…my daughter is coming out of her shell, gaining confidence, and developing friendships – that I’m so desperate to see. It’s not that she doesn’t have friends, she does. It’s just that she won’t initiate play and shys away from it.
My child is the one found on the circumference of the playground, biding her time till the bell rings. When I threw her a classroom birthday bash, she spent most of the time in her room with another kiddo. Up until early elementary school, she was right by my side at parties, refusing to play. She’s been on the same soccer team for 3 years, and still is visibly uncomfortable before and after the game when the kids socialize. If given her wish, she’d be the first one to leave.
She’s got social anxiety (and I have it too).
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia) is a mental health condition. It is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and your other day-to-day activities.
Here are five tips parents can do to help…
- Arrive early to parties or gatherings, get your child acclimated, avoiding the need to “join in” to a crowd.
- Prepare your child in advance, have a talk about where you’re going and what’s expected socially. There can be consequences levied for noncompliance. I.e., saying hello, asking a question or two.
- Practice talking to folks, like ordering food or making appointments.
- Schedule playdates. It’s easier to play with one child. If your child has just one friend in a social situation, it will help immensely. The problem with me is that I have a bit of social anxiety, so it takes a lot to schedule playdates. I can come up with every excuse in the book to not invite someone over.
- Understanding and patience are key. Your child may be naturally shy and introverted. Put yourself in their shoes. It may take a lot of energy to socialize, so give them time alone to recharge.
Eventually, with practice and de-sensitization, your child will come along and emerge from their shell.