OMG, I forgot to fix the social skills. My son is nearly 17. And it’s reared its ugly head again. In second grade he was the ostracized by the other kids. It was hard to get playdates and I didn’t understand why. I kept trying to get playdates, but would often get the runaround. One day I arranged to pick up a classmate for an after school playdate and he cried, refusing to go home with us. My heart broke over and over again.
The next year my son changed schools and was around like-minded students. The day I witnessed him walking out of school proudly, arm in arm with two other boys was a moment of pure joy. He met his best friend there, they were like soulmates. But it wasn’t a happy ending. His kind friend passed away a few years ago. This beautiful boy was often bullied himself, but would stand up for other kids when they got bullied. It was a devastating loss.
We got him a dog, which he loves dearly and helped fill some of the void. And although he has human friends, there’s never been a close one since.
Being at home during Covid, gave me a chance to know him better. I thought he was fine because I didn’t know the possibilities or how to work with my child. Then I came across a social skills webinar by Caroline McGuire, and I had an aha moment. In her book, “Why Will No One Play With Me?” she talks about 7 behaviors everyone needs to be socially successful:
Manage emotions. Read the room. Meet people half way. Understand social cues and unspoken rules. Learn to walk in someone else’s shoes. Be flexible and adaptive. Know your audience and adapt your communication.
Next, I learned there’s an evidence-based social skills program that has proven results for adolescents and young adults. It’s called PEERS. Funny, I researched the program and found I know the one and only PEERS instructor in our state. Must be fate! It’s pretty pricey without insurance, but with a certain diagnosis, it’s covered. Sounds wonderful…quirky kids meet in group, while parents learn about coaching. In the meantime, the books are on the way. I’ve learned our children need to be explicitly taught social skills (just like reading), and we parents are their #1 coaches. We can coach our children out of the sidelines and into engagement — whether it be on the playground to the boardroom. Our broken hearts can mend.