Parents of typically developing kids can’t imagine the extra work that goes into having a child with neurological differences. On the outside, these kids look normal, but they struggle with learning, can be challenged socially, suffer from poor self-esteem, distracted, unable to control emotions, causing chaos and worry for loving parents.
I’m one of those parents, three times over. I don’t know what it feels to have a typically developing or a brilliant child, who exceeds without extra help. The thought of having my child attend a rigorous, private school didn’t occur to me. I don’t pay for tutoring so they can get ahead and attend a prestigious college, they get help to learn basic things, like how to read and socialize. Whatever ails, I get on a mission to find help. Sometimes it’s a tutor, sometimes it’s me.
And because these children have the appearance of “normal” and are not severely disabled, services are not typically covered under insurance. We pay thousands for tutoring, social skills groups, alternative therapies, supplements…we pay and pay.
It’s annoying when parents brag about their excelling children. I found solace in the “Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid” Facebook group.
They have no idea the trauma I’ve experienced and the extra work that goes into parenting these kiddos…
They haven’t worried about their illiterate children becoming unemployed or jailed.
Experience the anxiety of being unable to find help like a highly coveted dyslexia tutor.
Kowtowing to tutors and providers, to keep them happy so they will continue to serve their child.
The many tantrums and meltdowns along the way.
How a simple new experience, can bring great duress.
The heartache of having a child no one wants to play with. They don’t know how it feels to see your child on the sidelines socially, unable to participate in group activities, that most parents take for granted. Birthday parties were the worst!
Having to learn new skills to teach your kiddos, when services weren’t available or affordable.
Their children have time to pursue extracurricular activities after school and on weekends, while my children spent it in tutoring or other therapies.
Putting an uncoordinated, distracted child in sports for exercise and friendship, only to see them benched for most of the game and unable to socialize with the rest of the kiddos. Worse yet, getting a coach that yells at them for being distracted.
Do they see my child sitting alone? Would they be so kind to ask their child to ask mines to play? Have they any compassion?
I’ve tried venting to friends, wonderful people, even forever friends. They try, but can’t truly understand having not experienced the heartache and frustration.
That’s why finding similarly minded friends or a support group is an important part of the healing process and will help make this journey easier. Look for groups online via Facebook and local chapters of Decoding Dyslexia.
I help facilitate a parent support group, and one of the parents said it best, “Even though I knew I wasn’t alone, actually hearing from other parents made it real.”
Finding parent-to-parent support is essential to healing your heart.